She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
