Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
