I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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