no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
