He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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