The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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