Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
