the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
