There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I cannot find my penis.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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