Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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