Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
