shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
