Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
