Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
