yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
