Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
