her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
