I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woke up backwards on a recliner
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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