I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
