so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
