if i can run in heels then i can drive
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
