are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
