i would punch a child for taco bell
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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