What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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