i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
