We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
