I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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