I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
