Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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