I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize