Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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