alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
