Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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