my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm like, not good at living.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
