We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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