I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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