Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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