Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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