This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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