i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
