he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
