Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
