So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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