Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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