Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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