another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
