I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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