The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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