I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My friends, they love my intelligence
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
