Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
