Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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