My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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