Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
