He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
