He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
