ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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