they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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