Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
