I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize