Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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