How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
