I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
