It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
