there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
