evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
