Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
