We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
