i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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