Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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