i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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