you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
